Curing Insomnia: Experiment #1236

I've decided to stop feeling helpless about my insomnia (to be honest, if I seem like I never want to do anything about my insomnia, it's because I've been one for almost nine years; I have tried many techniques to overcome it - all of which have failed, so excuse me if I am not eager to listen to your suggestions at first.)

Anyway, my insomnia's been getting worse, so some action should probably be taken. This is where my "curing insomnia" experiment comes into play:

For two weeks, starting Monday, June 1st:
1. No Benadryl (aww, but Benadryl's the love of my life! ah well, c'est la vie.)
2. No Caffiene (le gasp, no coffee? perhaps i'll go decaf)
3. Find ways to deal with my anxiety (honestly, the first two won't do anything if I still have all this anxiety)

So, where do I think the source of my anxiety comes from? And what will I do about it?

I'm worried about not getting a job in Bellingham. The job market is terrible right now, and I have a lot of competition with other students. I know it's not my fault, but I feel like everyone else is implying that it is my fault. It's hard not to feel like this is a poor reflection of my character or work ethic when everyone keeps implying that I'm not trying hard enough to find a job, and that's why I don't have one; or perhaps, there's something wrong with me, which is why I am unemployed. It's not my fault! I do not have a major character flaw that hinders my employment opportunities. I will get a job eventually, and I am sorry I'm not the person everyone wants me to be. Seriously, shut up, okay? Okay.

Saying that, I'm worried that by not having a job, I won't have the money to do the things I want to do. I've recently remembered the savings bonds that I have (since I was born until about age ?, I would get savings bonds as presents from family members - talk about a dull gift until you're old enough to understand it, right?) If I can't find a job in the next few months, I do think the savings bonds will be enough for studying abroad next summer. At least I do not have to worry about that (it's the only thing I've really ever wanted to do since I was in high school, and I've definitely had to majorly tweak that dream). I do hope that I will be able to do some of the traveling I've been thinking about after I graduate college though. It's so far off in the future, so I'm not really sure why that is causing me so much anxiety.

Basically... just everything. I think all I can really do is just realize that none of this is stuff I can really control right now. I can't control the economy or job market; I can't make my metabolism faster (however, I can be a bit more active, which I am currently doing). Usually, when I have anxiety about something, I just dive in and get it over with, so that issue won't cause me anymore anxiety. However, when it deals with my future... I can't rush to get it over with. I have no control. I know it's part of growing up, and it terrifies me. I don't know how to deal with it. How do I make my mind shut up, so I can sleep? I'm not really sure.

Love Peace and Penelope @ 9:17pm
Naomi