Thunderstorms and Raindrops

I've downloaded two nature sounds songs (they're both about thirty minutes each). Instead of Benadryl, I will listen to those in hopes they will calm me down enough to sleep. It's worth a shot, anyway. They're very nice to listen to, even when I'm not trying to catch some zzzz's. I'm quite pleased.

Love Peace and The Sound of Rain @ 11:52am
Naomi

PS,

I love this movie.

Curing Insomnia: Experiment #1236

I've decided to stop feeling helpless about my insomnia (to be honest, if I seem like I never want to do anything about my insomnia, it's because I've been one for almost nine years; I have tried many techniques to overcome it - all of which have failed, so excuse me if I am not eager to listen to your suggestions at first.)

Anyway, my insomnia's been getting worse, so some action should probably be taken. This is where my "curing insomnia" experiment comes into play:

For two weeks, starting Monday, June 1st:
1. No Benadryl (aww, but Benadryl's the love of my life! ah well, c'est la vie.)
2. No Caffiene (le gasp, no coffee? perhaps i'll go decaf)
3. Find ways to deal with my anxiety (honestly, the first two won't do anything if I still have all this anxiety)

So, where do I think the source of my anxiety comes from? And what will I do about it?

I'm worried about not getting a job in Bellingham. The job market is terrible right now, and I have a lot of competition with other students. I know it's not my fault, but I feel like everyone else is implying that it is my fault. It's hard not to feel like this is a poor reflection of my character or work ethic when everyone keeps implying that I'm not trying hard enough to find a job, and that's why I don't have one; or perhaps, there's something wrong with me, which is why I am unemployed. It's not my fault! I do not have a major character flaw that hinders my employment opportunities. I will get a job eventually, and I am sorry I'm not the person everyone wants me to be. Seriously, shut up, okay? Okay.

Saying that, I'm worried that by not having a job, I won't have the money to do the things I want to do. I've recently remembered the savings bonds that I have (since I was born until about age ?, I would get savings bonds as presents from family members - talk about a dull gift until you're old enough to understand it, right?) If I can't find a job in the next few months, I do think the savings bonds will be enough for studying abroad next summer. At least I do not have to worry about that (it's the only thing I've really ever wanted to do since I was in high school, and I've definitely had to majorly tweak that dream). I do hope that I will be able to do some of the traveling I've been thinking about after I graduate college though. It's so far off in the future, so I'm not really sure why that is causing me so much anxiety.

Basically... just everything. I think all I can really do is just realize that none of this is stuff I can really control right now. I can't control the economy or job market; I can't make my metabolism faster (however, I can be a bit more active, which I am currently doing). Usually, when I have anxiety about something, I just dive in and get it over with, so that issue won't cause me anymore anxiety. However, when it deals with my future... I can't rush to get it over with. I have no control. I know it's part of growing up, and it terrifies me. I don't know how to deal with it. How do I make my mind shut up, so I can sleep? I'm not really sure.

Love Peace and Penelope @ 9:17pm
Naomi

Dad,

I think I blame you for almost everything, and I'm not sure I'll want to talk to you once I'm financially independent. We never speak on the phone anyway, so I'm sure it will just happen naturally. I won't have to try.

And yes, I'm going to stay an Anthropology major. Fuck Management, Business, Sciences, Engineering, or Economics as majors. I love the social sciences, and I have faith that no matter what I end up doing, I will be more successful than your precious Sylvia. Afterall, she's going to become a Spanish teacher and make no money. Then, she will have kids and have less money. I think I will actually be happy (not that money determines happiness - I do believe I'll be happier than her). So fuck off and leave me alone. Stop talking to me about my future - I don't know yet! It hasn't happened, so stop talking about it. I'm going to start trying to focus on the present and enjoy what's happening now.

Go away.

Love,
Naomi

Gag

I wanted to bake vegan cupcakes for our last discussion group next week (because Austen is vegan, and I want to be nice). However, I don't have one or more of any of the ingredients listed in any of the recipes, and they aren't usually ingredients I would use apart from those recipes. Should I go ahead and make vegan cupcakes, even though it'd be kind of pointless (and expensive) or just make unvegan cupcakes? I'm leaning towards the latter, but she's also going to be in ABN, so I feel like I should be accommodating, but I don't want to. Ugh, vegans make everything worse.

Love Peace and REAL FOOD @ 10:59pm
Naomi

Mistakes in the Background

I am currently excited about this book called Mistakes in the Background by Laura Dockrill. It's just a really cute book of poetry and art. She doesn't try too hard; it's all very imaginative and fun. I love how it came with wrapping paper and stickers - seriously, who does that? Ahh, I'm so excited about it. There's a sticker of a fat dog, and it says: Obese dog loves tacos!



Love Peace and Obese dogs @ 9:20pm
Naomi

Yummy for my tummy:

I tried this Indian restaurant in Lynnwood (Kahlia Indian Cuisine) with my dad today. I have to say that I really liked it! I stuck with lamb korma because I really like it (and it was what I was craving for a few days). It seemed less nutty than the India Grill in Bellingham, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. We had vegetable samosas for an appetizer (I had never had ones the size of my fist before!) I also had naan for the first time, and it was really awesome; I just wish I remembered what was in it... Also, the guy serving had a pretty awesome ring with nine jewels. I think he should be the [be]jeweled king! (Pun intended...)

Anyway, next time I eat Indian food, I think I will try something new. I am trying to be more adventurous. :)

Perhaps I will try Ethiopian food next.

Love Peace and Lamb Korma @9:20pm
Naomi

Technical difficulties...

I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of that huge white bar on the right! I'll be working on that sometime when I properly have time. If anyone knows how to fix it, let me know!

Love Peace and Proper Sleep (which I finally got!) @ 10:43am
Naomi

Hey Kids,

This is my first ever blogspot post! There was a lot of bad stuff floating around with my LiveJournal (pretty much: all my Raj-drama), so I wanted a new blog... And maybe one day, I'll remember all my html stuff (or won't be too lazy to relearn it). But I will check my old livejournal. <3

Anyway, I'm suffering from insomnia + Tylenol PM. I'm peacin' out like a fuckin' hipster (haha).

Love Peace and Floral Prints @ 11:05 PM

Naomi